All I Live For

googlesearch_c_to_originalphotographer“Theseus…Stop.”  Phaedra held her hand up, as if that one gesture alone had the power to make him halt his retreating footsteps.  As if by will alone, she could somehow undo his stubbornness.

When his thudding steps, clad in heavy leather sandals, would not pause but continued onward toward his fate…his inevitable doom, she called out to him once more.

“Please,” she whispered on the heels of a raspy breath that made her lungs ache.

He stopped, but refused to turn toward her.  It pained her to part with him under such terrible conditions.  No husband and wife should ever separate on the wake of a turbulent disagreement.  All she sought was to save his life.  To keep him living…breathing…walking…existing upon this earth with her, if only for one more day. Had she been able to convince him to forestall the start of his campaign for one more night of blistering love making, one more day of heated kisses…perhaps she would be able to erase the notion of marching into certain death from his mind completely.  She nearly laughed.  Her mighty champion would never abandon his honor or forsake his duties…not even for her…not even for their unborn child, still nestling in its mother’s warm womb.  The man Phaedra had chosen to wed, had given her heart and even her soul to,  would give every drop of his warrior’s blood, even his very life, if it would save his people from slavery and annihilation.

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To Do List

googlesearchimages_c_to_original_photograherWrite

Write

Write til my fingers cramp

Write about everything

til the words live on their own

til I can feel my heart beat again

til the possibilities don’t scare me

til the veil is lifted

twilight gone

sun beams break free

.

Write

til I find what I’m looking for

til I understand what I’m living for

.

.

.

Just Write.

til I feel the kiss of forever

til I embrace what

Iam.

What..I will be.

What..I long for.

Love..so true

.

.

.

.

will i ever find you

.

.

.

~lenise~

v2

When words just aren’t enough..

Cupid & Psyche 01

close your eyes

breathe deep

..

every heartbeat

every hope

pulses

within this

one moment

..

accept

the sweetest

embrace

taste

the perfect

kiss

..

the unbreakable bond

is sealed

..

rolling waves

of love

thundering echoes

of passion

herald the promises

of forever

~lenise~

The Perfect Kiss

The Kiss. Francesco Hayez. Wiki Commons.
The Kiss. Francesco Hayez.

Has such an event ever existed?  Has such a myth ever rang true?  What dragons must a hero slay?  What sacrifice must a maiden make?  What river must be crossed?  What valley must be traveled?  What sweet serenade must be played? Before heart-stopping, pulse-pounding, chest-quivering love finally pours forth and breathes soul-stirring enchantment into one eternally-blissful, divinely-inspired…

kiss

so sweet, the angels weep

~lenise~

Undying love

They climbed the upward path, through absolute silence,
Up the steep murk, clouded in pitchy darkness,
They were near the margin, near the upper land,
When he, afraid that she might falter, eager to see her,
Looked back in love, and she was gone, in a moment.
Was it he, or she, reaching out arms and trying
To hold or to be held, and clasping nothing
But empty air?  Dying the second time
….
He loved her.  He could hardly hear her calling
Farewell! when she was gone.
The double death
Stunned Orpheus, like the man who turned to stone…
hearts so joined
One shared the other’s guilt…
Where rivers run, still holds them, both together
from Metamorphoses / Ovid  - Book 10: 59-75

Again

Original Artwork by H.K. Abell. Shay in the Dark.
Original Artwork by H.K. Abell. Shay in the Dark.

Here I am…again…fingers poised above the keyboard, mind wandering away by the pull of the soul-stirring musical echoes from Pandora’s box.   The magic hovering in the crisp spring air draws me from my shell and out into the sunlit sky beaming with endless possibilities.  No matter my mood, no matter where life has led me…like a gentle turn of the breeze, I return to this one place…ever so eager to spin a new tale of romance.  Though my pen has been ominously dormant for a long season, spring  evokes an undeniable urgency to create sweet, haunting dreams of what could be…if only he and I could finally intertwine…goosebumps flood over golden-brown skin at the thought.  Now, here I am…again…standing at the wandering crossroads, my mind strangely drawn toward the twilight-shadowed path this time.  A dark hero, brimming with passion and peril, seems to be struggling to be freed from his solitude and to emerge from my fingertips…It’s always darkest before dawn…A smirk tugs the curved corners of pink lips…A flash sparks from sienna-shaded eyes…A pacing mind dares to take a closer step toward the edge of forever and to peer into the mystical beyond…………

Divine

Remember the kiss, promises sealed in forever

Harsh winds, steer thoughts astray

But the heart always returns

to what it knows, to be

right and true

Pure

leaves bud on awakening limbs

Eternal

twilight dipped in lavender shade

Blazing

silver trails along a golden dawn

You, seeker

I, wanderer

You, sun

I, moon

You, love

I, in love

Always

words on a page

lives in a song

Let the moment wash over, like a quiet summer rain

Soar to heights, beyond the rapture

A touch of sunlight

grazing upon full lips

softer than a lover’s kiss

Feel

the pull

of destiny

*(^-^)*

More

You are the more I have been searching for

You are the laughter hiding in my heart,

the kisses yet to touch my lips.

Embers of love so sweetly burn

Sparks of creation pour through the rivers flowing within

I ask to feel your loving touch upon my soul

Subtle change in the wind,

gentle turning of the breeze

Immortality trapped within the mortal

awaiting the sweet songs of freedom,

the embrace of forever

~Lenise~

©2013  Lenise Lee Pubn.

Forever Here

The flame in my heart flickers to renewed life

+++

Shades of creation,

richly irradiant

answer my beacon

illuminate my spirit

+++

Against the cloak of the cosmos,

embers of love burst forth with fiery perfection

+++

Across limitless oceans of midnight space,

flares of desire spiral into eternity

+++

Ever onward

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Love’s Kiss

“Impossible,” she whispered.  The defiant word hung somberly in the warm breaths they shared.

     Though Marissa refused to speak her hope into existence, she finally understood the secret that bonded her spirit to Marcello with such startling intensity…almost at first sight

Thoughts of You

Thoughts of you

keep my pen poised

to narrate a literary symphony

on pages in the eternal notebook

clutched close to my heart

¨

Thoughts of you

move my soul

toward heavenly heights

inspire my lips to confess

whispered words of love

stir memories of a last embrace

gentle kisses

softer than the streak of a teardrop

cascading down a warm cheek

¨

Thoughts of you

revive hope

dispel doubt

bring me to life, once more..LL♥

¨

Text ©2012 Lenise Lee Pubn.  All Rights Reserved.

Sometimes I forget

I started off writing this post with a bit of sadness in my heart and a tiny..almost imperceptable..tear in one eye.  

Just like wandering off for a long walk and then noticing that I have become lost in an unfamiliar stretch of woods, I sometimes I forget..become completely oblivious…to the reasons why I dropped everything to explore this unknown path toward becoming a real author.  It’s so easy to become lost in the hype of following sales and stats, to become swayed by reviews and ravings, and to settle into helplessness and discouragement when the future suddenly dims and possibilities seem to dry up like a dying river.  Sometimes I forget to follow my own advice and to never stop imaging that dreams sometimes do come to vivid life and that love does have the power to conquer all obstacles.  I sometimes forget to dismiss my fear of failure and to control my impatience to cross that final finish line called ‘success’.  Sometimes I forget to just write! and to embrace whatever the energy flowing from my spirit and pouring through my fingertips produces.

A few nights ago, I attended my little niece’s eighth grade graduation.  Her principal topped the ceremony off with a rousing speech that had adults and children alike nodding our heads with a renewed gleam of hope and optimism in our sparkling eyes..In short, she said to find out what stirs your heart and to pursue that love every day with every ounce of energy you can summon up..She said our passion to pursue our dreams should set the world on fire and should motivate others to earnestly do the same..We should strive to achieve our goals and encourage others along the way.  It left me wondering…sincerely pondering…Is this what I have been doing over this past year of full-time writing?  Or have I been twiddling my thumbs while waiting for that mythical ‘easy’ button to drop in my lap?  Have I been pursuing my dream with bold effort or with a shy glance?  More importantly, have I been using my persuasive words to light a spark of hope and enthusiasm in the lives of those I encounter..whether on e-paper or in real life..or been selfishly waiting for my own praise and recognition?

Every now and again..somewhere between budgeting and blogging…drafting, editing and pushing off nightmares that I’ve wasted my life by putting off the opportunity to become the doctor my mom always told everyone I would someday be..I forget that this is my life, and I only get one, so I need to live it to the fullest and stop shunning the wonderful gift, and the rare opportunity to share this talent, that I’ve been blessed with.  Even as I finish-up typing and re-reading this post, I can feel a twinge of optimism for a brighter tomorrow returning.

It is my belief that we all want to know..without any doubts or confusion..what our purpose is..What tugs us from bed, pushes us toward the door, and urges us to trudge through yet another day of sometimes very steep hills and extremely deep valleys, other than merely trying to exist for another twenty-four hours?  Some people are born to make others laugh, some to inspire, others to heal, many to be great parents and role models…I think my place in this world is to add a few splashes of colorful romance to a sometimes mundane workday..to evoke daydreams of forever on a quiet afternoon..to share hints of my inner world..resilient hope, everlasting love..the slightest glimmer of faith that perhaps true happiness is awaiting us to break free and to reach out and capture that perfect moment of bliss..to touch the golden horizon.  Every once in a while I get a reminder that I’ve helped a random heart to feel such vibrant emotions.  In those fleeting minutes, I begin to remember what it means to be alive and worthy of the space I occupy on this beautiful earth…Hugs and smiley faces to all..LL♥

Oracle

Shimmering eyes flutter open, as a golden dawn caresses golden skin

Arising mightier than the phoenix
Heartbeat burning brighter than the pulsing orbs of the Pleiades

Curious infatuation draws a timid soul..ever onward..

Across sparkling moonbeams swimming over the midnight ocean
Lifted upon the icy tail of a comet surnamed joy
Passing the eternal etching of Perseus, guarding Andromeda with endless, vigilant devotion
Pausing to admire the silvery sketch of Theseus, embracing Phaedra for all time

Foretelling hope
Heralding peace
Unbound love

Ever onward, beyond the limits of infinite twilight
Journeying toward the spiraling edge of a spinning milky way

I open my eyes for the very first time, as the golden dawn caresses my golden skin..LL♥

Text Copyright 2012 Lenise Lee Pubn. All Rights Reserved.


Te Amo

Te amo

porque tú eres mi cielo perfecto

yo te sigo

como mi amanecer infinite

yo te adoro

más que la luna adora el sol

te amo

ahora

hasta el fin de mi mundo

~♥~

I love you

because you are my perfect sky

I follow you

as my infinite dawn

I adore you

more than the moon adores the sun

I love you

now

until the end of my world

~♥~

Love is beautiful in any and all languages
Share it more often..Receive it more often
Text ©2012 LL
*Please excuse my humble translation

Twilight dream

Under blinking stars

beneath the twilight sky

we shared a chance meeting

you and I

Shy smiles passed

between strolling strangers

Hopeful eyes wondering

had fate finally been kind

Seeking souls

silently praying

destiny would bind them

within this moment

forever

Awkward hello’s

fumbled greetings

mark the beginning

of cherished friendship

Secret dreams shared

Suddenly

no longer fearful

to believe

love can be true

even at first sight

Pulses quicken

at thoughts

of how kisses

would taste

upon nervous lips

Goodnight

yet not for always

Under blinking stars

beneath the twilight sky

we shared a chance meeting

you and I

The sacred moment

when two hearts beat

again

as one..

LL♥

v2 2013

Just Breathe

…I went for a walk in the rain yesterday and experienced the second most-refreshing moment of the day (of the past month actually)…

I try to escape the keyboard at least once a week (twice on the weekend for good behavior 🙂 ) but my mind was restless for a break from staring at the screen.  As I looked out the window, a beautiful sunrise had transitioned over to heavy cloud cover during the latter part of the morning.  The sky was still relatively serene, so I decided to take a chance on trying to out-race the approaching April shower to the nearby park.  Walking along in quiet seclusion down the riverbank, I ended up at the sandy cutout where fisherman, kayakers, and rowers launch their boats.  I watched the river stroll by like a sheet of shimmering silver, it’s pulsing waves rolling up and over the small sand dunes a few feet away.  It was at that moment when I did something I almost never do…I stopped thinking.  I let go of worries, anxieties, frustrations, even hopes and dreams and just existed in that very second.  Slight breeze rolling over my skin, filtered sunlight flowing from above, a family of Canadian geese being carried along with the gentle current, raindrops beginning to sprinkle across the watery surface and pelt the soft sandy shore in front of me.  Standing there in awe and silence, I realized some amazing discoveries…I could breathe…I could see…I could hear…I could feel…I had two legs to stand on and two arms to stretch toward the heavens with.  How had I forgotten about all of these wonderful blessings?  Better question, why would I allow myself to forget to be thankful for every chance I can use them to truly experience the fullness of life?  Even though there was no one else standing nearby, I had a sudden feeling I wasn’t watching the glimmering water alone.  I’m never truly alone, never as heart-broken as I sometimes feel, never as discouraged as I like to believe.  Why?  Because every once in awhile…exactly when I am in greatest need…I get a glimpse at my true inspiration…I stop trying to fall in love with people, things, or places, and I start to pursue my perfect romance once again…

A finger drops from the clouds and I connect with forever…Just breathe, wrap yourself in this moment, cherish what you have, share a smile with a distant stranger…Live, laugh, love

The day had turned cloudy, but sunrise was still dawning in my heart…I didn’t even mind that my freshly pressed hair was working overtime to curl up again 😛 ..LL♥

In dreams

looking for something i can’t find…waiting for a dream never destined to cross the threshold of reality…listening for a voice that is now only a faint memory…days spent walking with a spirit of hope, nights wrapped up in lonely disappointment…the very moment i am resigned to let go, to seek after a new source of inspiration, i finally have a chance encounter with you..but only in dreams…

‘This is the place where you come to remember that I will always love you…”

The breath of warm winds caress my golden skin, calling me from a restless sleep.  Light brown eyes touch a pale lavender sky filled with thick patches of milky white cotton dancing across the seamless horizon, floating ever onward, pushing across the canvas of eternity.  Against the backdrop of forever, the majestic mountains of contemplation boldly stand guard over the inhabitants of this lost and sacred chimera.  The rustle of a gentle breeze stirs up gallant waves across the ocean of emerald-green circling round me.

The soft touch from a strong finger moves tenderly along the curve of my chin, drawing my eager sight toward the graceful face I have longed to see for so long.  Serene eyes as clear as liquid crystal instantly capture me.  Words as satisfying as a divine kiss ease uncertainty. A question answered, a promised renewed.

“You alone are my perfect love. Before you, none…after you, none…Never forget that I’m only a whisper away.”

The tickle from a stream of orange sunlight floating through white curtains coax my dark lashes apart, prying me from the secure hold of a much yearned for peace. Sweet melodies of an angelic choir fade away with the rushing azure tides of the ensuing morning skyline..LL♥

Stormy Night

Cminda Sameba, stormy day
Cminda Sameba, stormy day (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A smiling face, halfway hidden by a fluffy pillow, looks up at me. Love beams bright in that one blue eye.  A sudden stream of tears washes away the endearing vision.  When my eyes open, the dream vanishes back behind the veil of thin air it was summoned from. I know I should abandon these wandering thoughts of you, but the memories refuse to budge.

Never consummated, always a seductive fantasy we danced and teased our way around.  Sweet kisses, cozy hugs, tender words spoken under moonlit skies. That was our story, and it was perfection.  

Kind people say that I should move on toward new horizons. They can’t see how the sun doesn’t appear as golden to me now that I’m perched up on this hilltop all alone.  Lonely in a room filled with lively souls. A feeling that no one else will ever quite understand until the experience is draped around them. Their symphony of laughs isn’t nearly enough to distract me from reminiscing about the quiet giggles we once shared.

I remember a joke whispered from your soft lips paused at my ear.  A small grin tugs my cheeks.  It is one of very few to visit me lately, and there is no promise of another in the near future.  Best friend. Confidant.  Amore. Hero. I miss you. 

The roaring thunder from another approaching storm calls me to sleep again. Again, with you constantly on my mind.

All Text ©2012 Lenise Lee Pubn.  All Rights Reserved.

Oh, sugar…Here comes the tidal wave

Romance icon
Romance icon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As a personal preference, I try not to drop too many four or five letter words, but in cases likes these, it just cannot be helped.  (Substitute sugar for a word a lot less sweet and you’ll pick up the term I’m trying to disguise 🙂 ) This afternoon I went for my usual visit to a nearby park.  It’s my chance to reset my brain within the comforts of sub/urban nature.  As I was floating off into some random scene in my mind, I suddenly realized that the tidal wave was coming in fast, and this was only the first of many more to follow. My pulse was pounding and my heart was about to leap from beneath my shirt and jacket.   Every sentence that I had been frantically scribbling into my little notebook was filled with anguish and tears.  A quick flashback of my last few posts revealed the same — borderlining on that sullen mood that’s so popular in YA fantasy/fiction lately.   It seems as though I should be use to this climactic transition from ‘normal’ person to brooding author by now, but I’m never quite ready for the dramatic shift within myself.

I’ve been gearing up to draft a new short story, which will be planted right in the middle of an ongoing story arc filled with a lot of emotional baggage, so my sanity is about to be tested once more.  Remember that scene from Romancing The Stone…where the lady writer is crying her eyes out while she’s typing the conclusion of her latest romance novel? Well, except for an obvious difference in hair and skin tone, that’s pretty much how I look when my guys and gals are going through the aching upheavals of love gone wrong. Whenever my characters have to suffer, it means that I will have to suffer with them.  Likewise, when they have a chance to savor that first spicy kiss, so do I…all over again.   While I work my way through various facial expressions, in an effort to silently act out all the wavering pools of emotion running through my body, my sweetie has a great time walking by and flinging an amused grin at me.

The tidal wave is coming, but I know the end result will be worth the harrowing swim.  I’ve come to accept that the physical and mental exhaustion I go through are a sign of dedication to my craft.  If I don’t revisit the darker side of my psyche…If I can’t drudge out buried hopes and fears again…If I never stir up the simmering energy and passion waiting on the edge of my reality, my tale won’t blossom into colorful life, my creation won’t be filled with sincere wordplay, and my characters won’t discover the strength to fight for the love they have always dreamed of crossing paths with…From my gloom and giggles, a fresh infusion of romance flows forward and one more molten kiss leaps from the pages into a longing heart…LL♥

On the mornings that I want to give up…

This morning happened to be one of those days.

Each time I start a new blog or begin typing a new post, I can never decide if I want to use this space as a confessional diary or free advertisement for my books.  Do I want to share every intimate thought or remain a faceless set of words on the screen?

I’m not a professional blogger nor can I ever claim to have any success whatsoever in that category.  Unlike the ladies and gents who have tons of followers, I’m only witty with people I have known at least a decade or more, and only philosophical with the same number of friends that I can count on one hand.

I’m not a great romance writer, and my critics can easily tell you that.  I’m constantly battling with myself between wanting to compose sweet romantic literature or erotic chick lit…I can’t seem to find a comfortable spot in either one of those categories.  In person, I’m über studious and practical – actually just stepped in the door from a trip to the library – and also very sly with flashing brown eyes that have gotten me into interesting trysts more than once…As much as I want my tales to have some enduring moral meaning, my wild streak always shows up to wipe away my characters’ wholesome nature.

So, all in all, I don’t have a happy home in the literary world.

Those were most of my thoughts as I opened my eyes this morning and blinked away the odd dream I was walking through. Dear girl, what in the world are you doing with yourself?  Give up and go back to that corporate nest you loathed so much…at least the pay was steady and they had a matching IRA.  On second thought, start a gossip column…write about what those ladies with that long dark hair are doing today…They’re always trending, so there’s tons of cash to be made.  You’re fooling yourself…No one wants to fall in love anymore, they just want to keep up with the you-know-who’s.

I rolled over and tossed the blankets over my head…not defeated, but not motivated either.  No second round of sleep in sight, because the birds wouldn’t stop singing and the neighbor’s dogs – as in, wow, how many dogs do you have now? – were hysterical for attention – again!  Get up and get that agenda together…Write a new short story about that cute scene I was thinking of yesterday? – Nope, those suck, people want to read about sex, not holding hands in the park…A quick poem to share how miserable I feel at this moment? – Nah, they suck, too, can’t seem to balance out that whole sensual-heartbreak rhythm that grabs people’s attention.

After moping about how purposefully unproductive I wanted to be, it finally dawned on me…I haven’t asked the right question.  That one question that gets me moving again, brings a bit of cheer to my cheeks, and compels me to give this crazy dream another try.  What do I want?

A couple of months ago, I prayed Mother Theresa’s prayer.  Catholic isn’t my official denomination, but I needed something to really revive me, to get me excited about living life again.  It’s a multi-day prayer and the book tells you that something extraordinary is supposed to happen at the conclusion of the novena. Oh, boy…did it.  The personal firewall I had spent yyyeaarrrss erecting around myself suddenly disintergrated…I’m mean like…Oh my God, what the *bleep* happened?  A barren landscape of no hope on the horizon, no inspiration, no motivation, followed by a long series of bizarre…why me? what did I do wrong?…events one after another.  When it rains it pours is no expression to be taken lightly. How about drenched with no shelter in sight.

Truthfully, I’m still recovering from my sudden absence of laughter and optimism.  Even as I continue to emerge, shaking off the ash and haze as I go, I’m starting to realize that I’ve been looking at these downfalls from the wrong angle. Each time, I rise much stronger and more insightful than I once was.  My personal tragedies and triumphs drive my storytelling to its peak…Every story that has zapped a reaction out of a reader has been one written after I’ve come crawling out of an emotional death valley.  As odd as it sounds, when I’m immersed in my wallowing spirit, I can somehow tap into a reflecting pool of eternal truths. The flow of the story becomes genuine…a sort of pseudo-autobiography floats to the surface…bits of truth playing against dabs of fantasy, and is deeply felt by both the author, the characters, and the audience.

So, toward the conclusion of another day of tapping out my heart as an indie author, my inspirational question still needs to be answered, one more time…What do I want?  Fame? Fortune? Awards? Fans?  All of the above? None?  After a cleansing breath, the serene truth is returned to me, one more time…I want to reach across an indefinite number of miles and connect with just one person – you, Dear Reader.  If I can spark even the dimmest flicker of kinship within your thoughts and your heart, I’ve done my job and lived up to my purpose in life…Until then…one more day, one more time to start over and get it right is almost here…LL♥

Duality

never again

restlessly isolated, safe from love’s cruel folly…

living in chilly seclusion, dying for a warm touch

climbing the peak of abysmal despair, falling into an embrace of luminous peace

utterly weak from reaching, infinitely strong by letting go

always giving too much of self, never sharing nearly enough of me

heartbeat pushed toward fading, tender caresses mend a wounded pulse

…anxiously anticipating being lured out, overpowered by devastating delights

once more

Flame

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Like a moth drawn to a sizzling flame…Can I ever be free of him?…Unquenchable allure…in those deceptive promises of forever…What is it about you…that refuses to release me…from the spell of roguish blue eyes and soft rosy pink lips…that I want to forget…to taste in a spiraling kiss…all in the same breath…that tempt me continually as they drip with greedy need for my gentle curves…hunger for my butterscotch skin…Escape…then recapture…a seemingly endless cycle of wanting you desperately…running from your dangerous charm…circling round to wanting you with a renewed, forbidden passion…again…Let me go…take me back…Forgetting you…calling you close once more…Too much…Its always too much when our lives collide together in a blinding, infernal spark…secrets confessions from fingertips…so no one else will hear our weakness…I love you…I hate you…I love you more, he says…two hearts confessing undeniable obsession with our intoxicating, erotic…strangely blissful…misery…loves company…Never read this…Never see these words…Never know how much I crave you…to touch your consuming flame…to feel the sting of wretched desire…one last time…Like a curious, timid moth drawn to an inferno of dripping wet delights…Let me go, I whimper…take me back, he whispers…Love you…hate me…

©2012 Lenise Lee Pubn. All Rights Reserved.

Falling

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Was I wrong to trust you completely?

Joy is quickly fading

dimming into a faint whisper…almost gone

Was I wrong to abandon my dreams in pursuit of you?

Promises of forever dwindling

so far out of reach now…nearly invisible

Was I wrong to think I would possess your heart like no other before me?

Drained of sparks of hope

waiting for an embrace…never to arrive

Was I wrong to believe you to be my truest love?

If so, tell me please

No more blowing in a dry, aimless wind

slowly

coming

undone

 

©2012 Lenise Lee Pubn. All Rights Reserved.

 

Beautiful by Lenise Lee

I like to believe that I was born with an elegant and quiet strength.  These are personal qualities that I value and I have a habit of granting my female characters these same traits. But…what about those moments when I’m weak and unable to hold up a dwindling resistance? Everyone has a limit, an absolute breaking point when only the tender touch of another human being will help us rise from the shadows.  When and if we fall…who will be there to help lift us up again?

These were the questions I pondered while pulling this tale together.  It presents a teasing and seemingly simple scenario…Follow your heart or allow your mind to lead the way?  Both forces hold equally powerful sway on the decisions we make from moment to moment every day of our lives….Which will emerge victorious this time? Desire or obligation?

As a side note…I originally considered titling this novella ‘Broken’; however, since I strive to remain an eternal optimist, I chose the name that brought the biggest smile to my face‘Beautiful’with a faint hope that simply reading this word of praise would do the same for some restless heart on the other side of this screen…LL♥

Broken

falling

fading

fragmented

pieces of me scattering

dark

dim

despair

no silver halo to guide fragile eyes

Spark

Shimmer

Splendor

Dawn treading triumphantly along the golden horizon

Rising

Radiant

Reborn

broken no more, Hope Revived. Rescued.

Synopsis

Miyah has a choice to make…Her intimate attachments to the two men in her life possess the power to draw her closer to her heart’s desire or bind her from taking a chance on true love…Which destiny will she choose?

Excerpt

“And, of course,” a tiny dimple appeared in her chin as she spoke, “the first taste goes to the boss.”

Miyah carefully picked up one of the fancy treats and turned to Shawn.  A playful smirk ran across her mouth as she held the dessert near his face.  Her impish stare locked onto irises the color of white crystal surrounded by a halo of ocean blue.  Hot pink lips stretched opened and prepared to sink into the heavy whipped cream but, at the very last second, Miyah withdrew the cupcake from within his tongue’s reach.  A heavy laugh rumbled from the square chest underneath Shawn Dougherty’s white linen shirt.  The top buttons of his dress shirt were undone, and Miyah watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down with each deep chuckle he released. 

Shawn leaned forward again.  This time, the teasing woman didn’t disappoint him…

All Text ©2012 by Lenise Lee Pubn. All Rights Reserved.

I missed that mark again…

Over these past two years, I’ve spent considerable time contemplating this ‘mark’ I’m supposed to be hitting, and I keep coming up empty.  I’ve seen this word pop up a few times and it never fails to boggle my mind.  Perhaps this is the reason why artists make some of the worst critics for the creative works of their own hands.  As I sit back and allow my memory to float over various tales I have drafted — some published, many idling away on my flash drive — I come up dry every time I try to pin point this exact mark that I should be striving for.  Should I be in tune with the harmony driving the story or worried about if the characters have consummated their lusts fast enough to satisfy the roaming eyes floating across the screen?

Commercialism demands that an artist hit a specific peak to be considered successful; creativity, however, allows for growing pains and whole-hearted blunders…There’s deep meaning behind that badge of honor starving artist. After much thought — plus three websites, an abandoned tweeting account, and two blogs later — I’ve decided that I’m going to do my best never to aim for this elite mark, which dictates both the erratic pace and stifled visionary wellspring of our generational pop culture. Though I can’t say I am guiltless of trying to chase after this deceptive goal, which always seemed so far beyond my efforts, I have come to realize the soul-pinching effects of my error.  I’d rather allow the burgeoning and sometimes off-beat creativity dripping from my fingertips and the shades of colorful fantasy swimming through my mind guide my romantic tales than to willingly destroy the true author budding inside of me in vain pursuit of that ever-ellusive…mark.

Love Me. Hate Me.

What motivates my pen is simply wanting to be understood and accepted for who I truly am and not by what everyone casually observes on the outside.  Although self-publishing was not my first hope (excuse the twinkle in my eyes), years later, I am at peace with realizing it was the best path to take.  I have learned to enjoy the rewards of journeying on the fringes of obscurity.  The deadlines I set are under my own intense scrutiny and the limits of what I can create are determined only by the boundaries of my vivid imagination.  I am free to roam about my colorful universe as often as I please or not at all.  I am free to flourish or fail as an author without the beam of a microscope constantly aimed at me.  I am also free to wander the thin, shaky line between living as a person and confessing my dreams as a nameless poet, between being a woman and weeping out my fears as an unknown writer.

I love the hours I spend contemplating the perfect kiss.  I hate that I am absent of the power to push every emotion flawlessly across the page.

I love sharing the pure desire swimming in my heart.  I hate knowing that blank eyes are scouring the lines of my precious words simply for the joy of pointing out typos.

I love pouring out a love story not defined by race or color.  I hate that because this is all the world sees, most of these tales will become lost to the wind.

I love being lenise lee.  I hate that I am the only one who sees her true potential.

The Reluctant Sequel

About a year and a half ago, I wrote a story I was convinced no one would give more than a passing thought to…Hm, so wrong on that one.  Equally hated and loved,  ‘After the Sunset’ became my very best seller of all time (shaking my head…as if I’ve been writing for decades, but I can dream can’t I?).  In between those two hundred plus pages I typed out after dragging myself home from I job I loathed, I created a pair of secondary characters who walked across the scenes of about two chapters — at most — toward the second half of the romantic suspense.  Since then, I still receive emails asking me when Nivea and Pierce are going to get their own story.  My reply is always the same…It’s coming…eventually.

Like most writers who have a sleeper that suddenly becomes a runaway hit, I’ve defeated myself before I can even finish the draft.  My thoughts on their romance continually tease me, yet never flourish into a full body of work. I’ve written their story dozens of times…in my mind, on actual paper, and on a faux piece of blank white parchment…and it’s never, ever…ever good enough.  I wondered what could be stopping me.  Writer’s block? Nope.  I already know what happens to them.  I’ve rehearsed it countless times from beginning to end.  Fear that the audience will hate the story I create for them? Nope.  Bad reviews use to bring me to the verge of tears, now — no offense to my readers, whom I love dearly — for my own sanity, I just skip all of them.  

I’ve come to the conclusion that my deep love for these reluctant soul mates is the main obstacle to bringing this sequel to life.  It must have been a slip  of my fingers, a hurried moment when I forgot to clamp down my inner desires that caused me to unknowingly pour a piece of myself into the letters floating across the screen.  Could this be the secret of why their unwritten love has touched the hearts of those who discovered the brief paragraphs describing the fleeting moment of an unnerving connection?  For once, did I reveal too much of myself, too much of the heart hiding behind the keys and, by doing so, succeed in pulling others into my colorful world?  

Every time I return to their love story, I feel the pain of their loneliness…their desperate search for a kindred spirit.  Are these intimate details that should be shared with a faceless pair of eyes…exposed for all to see…to scorn…to laugh at then hit the return button on their e-reader?  If I can’t let go of my deep attachment to them, Nivea and Pierce may never blaze across the screen in a teary reunion.  I must convince myself…they’re just words on a page, the creation of a wandering imagination haunted by far too many fantasies of wayward romance…nothing more…right…?  Time to let go and bring them to life…one more time.

Read ‘Nivea’ from Untitled Sequel

Biting My Tongue

When writing a romantic tale, the inevitable question comes to mind…Which is more urgent to share, the plot of the story or the romance of the characters? Of course, both should be equally important; however, today’s world — and today’s reader — is impatient for results. We crave immediate gratification; after all, a romance novel shouldn’t feel like skimming through a confounding textbook. I, myself, was no different.  Excluding my own, I haven’t actually read a work of intimate fiction in quite some time, but I do remember the craving…the yearning…the staggering impatience to get to the explosive finale that I was in search of…When, on when, will Dick and Jane finally cry out their desperate feelings to one another?  Forget the coincidences that brought them together, the  adventure that sealed their lives in sync for all time, or the narrow escapes that nearly parted them forever…I wanted to read about the panic button that sent clothes flying in all directions!  

All of these were my eager thoughts as my eyes floated across the page or the screen…that is, until I became the brooding writer behind the page, the novelist typing behind the screen, and took on the personas of the emotional characters trying to leap into the mind of the reader.  Suddenly, it all mattered…the slow build of anticipation, the colorful lines explaining the subtleties of the scene playing out around the would-be lovers, the intricate details of their reluctant first kiss.  But, when does the description become too much?  When do I bite my ‘tongue’?  When do I hold back the imagery swimming in my head. My goal is to have the reader consumed by the bond of the characters, not stuck trying to imagine what everyone at the party is wearing.

In my meticulous mind, every word is exactly how it should be…every sentence, every punctuation mark, every hanging paragraph counts for helping this fictional universe come to vivid life.  I want every page to count for the experience of entering this world I have tried to create, and not to  become just another skipped handful of sentences until Dick and Jane float into each other’s arms one more time.  

Perfection is what I seek…The perfect tale of love found, lost, rediscovered…And perfection is what I will find…One story at a time, until I finally lay eager fingers on the secret to a flawless romance.  LL♥ 

Sweet & Spicy Kisses

Admittedly, I have written my fair share of burning words across the virtual screen, but nothing brings a smile to my face more than sharing that first sweet kiss with the reader. There’s something about imagining a gentle tap of innocent lips pressing together that stirs up my longing to delve deep into creating the perfect romantic scene.  Is there a better way to begin a life-long bond than with a tender kindling of passion passed between two hesitant souls?  Spicy kisses add a spark to the day, but it is the sweet ones that linger in our memories forever, even after the object of our desire is no longer near. LL♥

What is romance?

Is it a fiery kiss?  A passionate scene near a fireplace? Or is it simply two souls desperately trying to connect with one another beyond the use of words and outside of the boundaries of a mere touch?

I’ve been thinking on this question for quite a while…off and on…whenever my fingers hit the keys to start drafting a new title…when I see a couple passing on the street, in the store, at the park…What defines their romance?

Was it the first glance one summer morning?  The first note he or she passed to the object of their desire during a class?  An extra special hello during a lunch meeting at the office?  Where did it all begin?  More importantly…How does it all continue?

That sensual spark…those passionately whispered I love you’s…How do we keep them fresh and new amongst a world breaking at the seams?

Sex…Love…Romance…

After writing over a dozen romance-themed tales, I’ve finally been led to the conclusion that…while they are definitely related…they are definitely not the same concept.  Sex can be a passing urge…Romance flutters with the beat of a heart…But Love…surpasses all seasons…Once planted, It constantly swims in the soul, refusing to let go…Seeking its same in another living soul.

My first published words were “Excuse me?” from a man who saw a young woman sitting on the other side of a lecture hall and had been desperately trying to think of a way to introduce himself to her…Pure…Innocent…Pleading…Love

The moment I stepped away from these Tender Passions, I felt my words crumbling beneath me…For others, the burning touch of page-melting words may due, as for me, I continue my return home to where my personal love story lives and breathes anew…Pure…Innocent…Pleading…Love..LL♥

The In Between (version two)

In between

Where words will not come
Where shadows roam near
Where warmth of light is a dwindling, faint memory

 

After I touched the sky

After I crashed below

After I realized there is nowhere else for my thoughts to flow, only here

In between I had to undress, to discard who I once was

 

I am the Dreamer

 

The flame in my heart is flickering to renewed life

Across limitless oceans of midnight space, flares of desire spiral into eternity

Ever onward

Shades of creation, richly irradiant, answer my beacon, illuminate my spirit

Forever Here

Image

Photo and Text ©2012 Lenise Lee Pubn.  All Rights Reserved.