Like a child…with eyes pinned on the silver coin hovering within the folded cape of a starless night…I keep a constant vigil …an aching feeling that what I’m searching for…something…a wink? a smile? a nod? …will manifest…A face…a name…a purpose…a reason…Me…But who am I against the backdrop of eternity? At the beginning (and the end) of the day…of the moment…of all that is and will ever be…Where do I fit in?…Was I ever meant to?
Has such an event ever existed? Has such a myth ever rang true? What dragons must a hero slay? What sacrifice must a maiden make? What river must be crossed? What valley must be traveled? What sweet serenade must be played? Before heart-stopping, pulse-pounding, chest-quivering love finally pours forth and breathes soul-stirring enchantment into one eternally-blissful, divinely-inspired…
I started off writing this post with a bit of sadness in my heart and a tiny..almost imperceptable..tear in one eye.
Just like wandering off for a long walk and then noticing that I have become lost in an unfamiliar stretch of woods, I sometimes I forget..become completely oblivious…to the reasons why I dropped everything to explore this unknown path toward becoming a real author. It’s so easy to become lost in the hype of following sales and stats, to become swayed by reviews and ravings, and to settle into helplessness and discouragement when the future suddenly dims and possibilities seem to dry up like a dying river. Sometimes I forget to follow my own advice and to never stop imaging that dreams sometimes do come to vivid life and that love does have the power to conquer all obstacles. I sometimes forget to dismiss my fear of failure and to control my impatience to cross that final finish line called ‘success’. Sometimes I forget to just write! and to embrace whatever the energy flowing from my spirit and pouring through my fingertips produces.
A few nights ago, I attended my little niece’s eighth grade graduation. Her principal topped the ceremony off with a rousing speech that had adults and children alike nodding our heads with a renewed gleam of hope and optimism in our sparkling eyes..In short, she said to find out what stirs your heart and to pursue that love every day with every ounce of energy you can summon up..She said our passion to pursue our dreams should set the world on fire and should motivate others to earnestly do the same..We should strive to achieve our goals and encourage others along the way. It left me wondering…sincerely pondering…Is this what I have been doing over this past year of full-time writing? Or have I been twiddling my thumbs while waiting for that mythical ‘easy’ button to drop in my lap? Have I been pursuing my dream with bold effort or with a shy glance? More importantly, have I been using my persuasive words to light a spark of hope and enthusiasm in the lives of those I encounter..whether on e-paper or in real life..or been selfishly waiting for my own praise and recognition?
Every now and again..somewhere between budgeting and blogging…drafting, editing and pushing off nightmares that I’ve wasted my life by putting off the opportunity to become the doctor my mom always told everyone I would someday be..I forget that this is my life, and I only get one, so I need to live it to the fullest and stop shunning the wonderful gift, and the rare opportunity to share this talent, that I’ve been blessed with. Even as I finish-up typing and re-reading this post, I can feel a twinge of optimism for a brighter tomorrow returning.
It is my belief that we all want to know..without any doubts or confusion..what our purpose is..What tugs us from bed, pushes us toward the door, and urges us to trudge through yet another day of sometimes very steep hills and extremely deep valleys, other than merely trying to exist for another twenty-four hours? Some people are born to make others laugh, some to inspire, others to heal, many to be great parents and role models…I think my place in this world is to add a few splashes of colorful romance to a sometimes mundane workday..to evoke daydreams of forever on a quiet afternoon..to share hints of my inner world..resilient hope, everlasting love..the slightest glimmer of faith that perhaps true happiness is awaiting us to break free and to reach out and capture that perfect moment of bliss..to touch the golden horizon. Every once in a while I get a reminder that I’ve helped a random heart to feel such vibrant emotions. In those fleeting minutes, I begin to remember what it means to be alive and worthy of the space I occupy on this beautiful earth…Hugs and smiley faces to all..LL♥
Shimmering eyes flutter open, as a golden dawn caresses golden skin
Arising mightier than the phoenix Heartbeat burning brighter than the pulsing orbs of the Pleiades
Curious infatuation draws a timid soul..ever onward..
Across sparkling moonbeams swimming over the midnight ocean Lifted upon the icy tail of a comet surnamed joy Passing the eternal etching of Perseus, guarding Andromeda with endless, vigilant devotion Pausing to admire the silvery sketch of Theseus, embracing Phaedra for all time
Foretelling hope Heralding peace Unbound love
Ever onward, beyond the limits of infinite twilight Journeying toward the spiraling edge of a spinning milky way
I open my eyes for the very first time, as the golden dawn caresses my golden skin..LL♥
Text Copyright 2012 Lenise Lee Pubn. All Rights Reserved.
…I went for a walk in the rain yesterday and experienced the second most-refreshing moment of the day (of the past month actually)…
I try to escape the keyboard at least once a week (twice on the weekend for good behavior 🙂 ) but my mind was restless for a break from staring at the screen. As I looked out the window, a beautiful sunrise had transitioned over to heavy cloud cover during the latter part of the morning. The sky was still relatively serene, so I decided to take a chance on trying to out-race the approaching April shower to the nearby park. Walking along in quiet seclusion down the riverbank, I ended up at the sandy cutout where fisherman, kayakers, and rowers launch their boats. I watched the river stroll by like a sheet of shimmering silver, it’s pulsing waves rolling up and over the small sand dunes a few feet away. It was at that moment when I did something I almost never do…I stopped thinking. I let go of worries, anxieties, frustrations, even hopes and dreams and just existed in that very second. Slight breeze rolling over my skin, filtered sunlight flowing from above, a family of Canadian geese being carried along with the gentle current, raindrops beginning to sprinkle across the watery surface and pelt the soft sandy shore in front of me. Standing there in awe and silence, I realized some amazing discoveries…I could breathe…I could see…I could hear…I could feel…I had two legs to stand on and two arms to stretch toward the heavens with. How had I forgotten about all of these wonderful blessings? Better question, why would I allow myself to forget to be thankful for every chance I can use them to truly experience the fullness of life? Even though there was no one else standing nearby, I had a sudden feeling I wasn’t watching the glimmering water alone. I’m never truly alone, never as heart-broken as I sometimes feel, never as discouraged as I like to believe. Why? Because every once in awhile…exactly when I am in greatest need…I get a glimpse at my true inspiration…I stop trying to fall in love with people, things, or places, and I start to pursue my perfect romance once again…
A finger drops from the clouds and I connect with forever…Just breathe, wrap yourself in this moment, cherish what you have, share a smile with a distant stranger…Live, laugh, love…
The day had turned cloudy, but sunrise was still dawning in my heart…I didn’t even mind that my freshly pressed hair was working overtime to curl up again 😛 ..LL♥
looking for something i can’t find…waiting for a dream never destined to cross the threshold of reality…listening for a voice that is now only a faint memory…days spent walking with a spirit of hope, nights wrapped up in lonely disappointment…the very moment i am resigned to let go, to seek after a new source of inspiration, i finally have a chance encounter with you..but only in dreams…
‘This is the place where you come to remember that I will always love you…”
The breath of warm winds caress my golden skin, calling me from a restless sleep. Light brown eyes touch a pale lavender sky filled with thick patches of milky white cotton dancing across the seamless horizon, floating ever onward, pushing across the canvas of eternity. Against the backdrop of forever, the majestic mountains of contemplation boldly stand guard over the inhabitants of this lost and sacred chimera. The rustle of a gentle breeze stirs up gallant waves across the ocean of emerald-green circling round me.
The soft touch from a strong finger moves tenderly along the curve of my chin, drawing my eager sight toward the graceful face I have longed to see for so long. Serene eyes as clear as liquid crystal instantly capture me. Words as satisfying as a divine kiss ease uncertainty. A question answered, a promised renewed.
“You alone are my perfect love. Before you, none…after you, none…Never forget that I’m only a whisper away.”
The tickle from a stream of orange sunlight floating through white curtains coax my dark lashes apart, prying me from the secure hold of a much yearned for peace. Sweet melodies of an angelic choir fade away with the rushing azure tides of the ensuing morning skyline..LL♥