Category: Journal

I started off writing this post with a bit of sadness in my heart and a tiny..almost imperceptable..tear in one eye.  

Just like wandering off for a long walk and then noticing that I have become lost in an unfamiliar stretch of woods, I sometimes I forget..become completely oblivious…to the reasons why I dropped everything to explore this unknown path toward becoming a real author.  It’s so easy to become lost in the hype of following sales and stats, to become swayed by reviews and ravings, and to settle into helplessness and discouragement when the future suddenly dims and possibilities seem to dry up like a dying river.  Sometimes I forget to follow my own advice and to never stop imaging that dreams sometimes do come to vivid life and that love does have the power to conquer all obstacles.  I sometimes forget to dismiss my fear of failure and to control my impatience to cross that final finish line called ‘success’.  Sometimes I forget to just write! and to embrace whatever the energy flowing from my spirit and pouring through my fingertips produces.

A few nights ago, I attended my little niece’s eighth grade graduation.  Her principal topped the ceremony off with a rousing speech that had adults and children alike nodding our heads with a renewed gleam of hope and optimism in our sparkling eyes..In short, she said to find out what stirs your heart and to pursue that love every day with every ounce of energy you can summon up..She said our passion to pursue our dreams should set the world on fire and should motivate others to earnestly do the same..We should strive to achieve our goals and encourage others along the way.  It left me wondering…sincerely pondering…Is this what I have been doing over this past year of full-time writing?  Or have I been twiddling my thumbs while waiting for that mythical ‘easy’ button to drop in my lap?  Have I been pursuing my dream with bold effort or with a shy glance?  More importantly, have I been using my persuasive words to light a spark of hope and enthusiasm in the lives of those I encounter..whether on e-paper or in real life..or been selfishly waiting for my own praise and recognition?

Every now and again..somewhere between budgeting and blogging…drafting, editing and pushing off nightmares that I’ve wasted my life by putting off the opportunity to become the doctor my mom always told everyone I would someday be..I forget that this is my life, and I only get one, so I need to live it to the fullest and stop shunning the wonderful gift, and the rare opportunity to share this talent, that I’ve been blessed with.  Even as I finish-up typing and re-reading this post, I can feel a twinge of optimism for a brighter tomorrow returning.

It is my belief that we all want to know..without any doubts or confusion..what our purpose is..What tugs us from bed, pushes us toward the door, and urges us to trudge through yet another day of sometimes very steep hills and extremely deep valleys, other than merely trying to exist for another twenty-four hours?  Some people are born to make others laugh, some to inspire, others to heal, many to be great parents and role models…I think my place in this world is to add a few splashes of colorful romance to a sometimes mundane workday..to evoke daydreams of forever on a quiet afternoon..to share hints of my inner world..resilient hope, everlasting love..the slightest glimmer of faith that perhaps true happiness is awaiting us to break free and to reach out and capture that perfect moment of bliss..to touch the golden horizon.  Every once in a while I get a reminder that I’ve helped a random heart to feel such vibrant emotions.  In those fleeting minutes, I begin to remember what it means to be alive and worthy of the space I occupy on this beautiful earth…Hugs and smiley faces to all..LL♥