As a personal preference, I try not to drop too many four or five letter words, but in cases likes these, it just cannot be helped. (Substitute sugar for a word a lot less sweet and you’ll pick up the term I’m trying to disguise 🙂 ) This afternoon I went for my usual visit to a nearby park. It’s my chance to reset my brain within the comforts of sub/urban nature. As I was floating off into some random scene in my mind, I suddenly realized that the tidal wave was coming in fast, and this was only the first of many more to follow. My pulse was pounding and my heart was about to leap from beneath my shirt and jacket. Every sentence that I had been frantically scribbling into my little notebook was filled with anguish and tears. A quick flashback of my last few posts revealed the same — borderlining on that sullen mood that’s so popular in YA fantasy/fiction lately. It seems as though I should be use to this climactic transition from ‘normal’ person to brooding author by now, but I’m never quite ready for the dramatic shift within myself.
I’ve been gearing up to draft a new short story, which will be planted right in the middle of an ongoing story arc filled with a lot of emotional baggage, so my sanity is about to be tested once more. Remember that scene from Romancing The Stone…where the lady writer is crying her eyes out while she’s typing the conclusion of her latest romance novel? Well, except for an obvious difference in hair and skin tone, that’s pretty much how I look when my guys and gals are going through the aching upheavals of love gone wrong. Whenever my characters have to suffer, it means that I will have to suffer with them. Likewise, when they have a chance to savor that first spicy kiss, so do I…all over again. While I work my way through various facial expressions, in an effort to silently act out all the wavering pools of emotion running through my body, my sweetie has a great time walking by and flinging an amused grin at me.
The tidal wave is coming, but I know the end result will be worth the harrowing swim. I’ve come to accept that the physical and mental exhaustion I go through are a sign of dedication to my craft. If I don’t revisit the darker side of my psyche…If I can’t drudge out buried hopes and fears again…If I never stir up the simmering energy and passion waiting on the edge of my reality, my tale won’t blossom into colorful life, my creation won’t be filled with sincere wordplay, and my characters won’t discover the strength to fight for the love they have always dreamed of crossing paths with…From my gloom and giggles, a fresh infusion of romance flows forward and one more molten kiss leaps from the pages into a longing heart…LL♥